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Senior Editor Glen D. Huey was out of the office last week, purportedly teaching a class on building a tea table at Acanthus Workshops. But on Friday, I got a photo via e-mail from Chuck Bender (the founder of Acanthus Workshops), and it doesn’t look to me as if Glen was working very hard. So, just to embarrass Glen (one of my favorite pastimes), I’m holding a “Caption the Photo” contest. Whomever supplies the funniest caption (if you make me expel Diet Coke from my nose, you win) in the comment section by 2 p.m. Friday, July 17, will get a free copy of our newest CD: “The Arts & Mysteries of Hand Tools,” which you can read more about in the post below, or here.
(And yes, I realize the intrinsic irony of offering a hand-tool-related prize for any contest featuring Glen.)
Here are some supplies and tools we find essential in our everyday work around the shop. We may receive a commission from sales referred by our links; however, we have carefully selected these products for their usefulness and quality.
All the time I saved using power tools instead of hand tools has to go somewhere!
Once I have mastered the arm motions, I will then try the macarena dance in standing.
I hope the sun moves soon my leg is beginning to get hot.
During research for an upcoming article, Glen spent hours using this elaborate rig to test the strength properties of the oak board (shown in photo above his head).
"Ohhh I just eat $23 quaddrillion dollars worth of food from Wolf Gang Pucks!!!!!"
Dreaming of presenting his tea table to "The Queen Mum" at high tea.
Enjoying the rewards of power tools.
I imagine that Glen has a good sense of humor as anyone but some of the "jokes" just aren’t nice.
Which part of the hamock sticks out the farthest,the top or the bottom?
When not in the workshop, building toys for orphans, Glen Huey tests tuna nets to ensure they are dolphin safe.
Two woodworking constants: Wood wants to move. Glen Huey doesn’t.
"I’m teaching a safety class – if nobody moves, nobody gets hurt."
Er, correction.
"And here kids, we have the "supinus glenhueyus," also known as the Southern Yellow Supine. It’s often planted as an ornamental and has little commercial value."
And here kids, we have the "pinus glenhueyus," also known as the Southern Yellow Supine. It’s often planted as an ornamental and has little commercial value.
Glen Huey: Well hung.
Don’t tell me I’m not working, I’m contemplating a project design. What do I have to do, sit like Rodin’s Thinker?
Here is proof that even when Glen sleeps, he dreams of dancing the Macarena.
Ahhhhh SWEET!!! Two (robust) tea tables CAN support a hammock. Hope the "ole lady" doesn’t mind the chain hooks.
If I snore it’s still considered sawing lumber?
"Glen Huey demonstrates cutting a difficult mortise using a chisel and a Chris Schwartz (not pictured)."
I have recovered from anorexia.
SAFETY NAP: "A rested mind is a sharp mind and we all know how important it is to work with sharp tools."
That’s my story & I’m sticking with it!
G. Huey
"Ommm! Those fish and chips … I mean wood chips were good!"
Steve Halsey
"No, really. I’m trying to channel a coffee table. So far, the top is planed almost smooth."
"Dang, I knew I shouldn’t have rinsed those burritos down with a tall vanilla frapuccino skinny wet with legs…though I may be rewarded with enough wind to flatulate Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata…sigh…"
Now class, the most important step in producing our zen tea cart must be carefully envisioned….ohhhhmmmmmm….
Help Mr Wizard, I don’t want to work hard anymore …
Twizzle, twazzle, twuzzle-twown, time for this one to come home …
"Baby Huey Goes On A Bender"
Macarena Dreams
The "Glen Huey, Stay in Shape" Workout… Hey! Round is a shape…
Caption:
"As Glen sways in the warm breeze he rememers those wonderful years he spent competing on the Hawaii State hula team."
Why waste precious time, money, and shop space on expensive complicated tools like jointers, planers, and band saws to true up irregular stock?
….For instance, 200 to 250 pounds of pull is optimal pressure to straighten this once badly-bowed oak 2×2 using the new corded Yank-o-Matic Board Straightener from Glenco…. It’s Hue-Man Powered!!!
Simply attach the cords and apply the pressure!
It’s so E-Z you can do it while you Z-Z!
"Power up the wench for me, would ya, and I’ll get back to class."
Here is my two contributions:
"summer-time, and the Glen-living is easy…."
"Watch as Glen dreams about his next modeling pose for the cover of Popular Woodworking"
OK. The watch is set. When the alarm goes off in 45 minutes we do the old switcheroo, and tan the underside of the other arm….
I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright!
And I pity
Any woodworker who isn’t me tonight.
Time to give this ol’ power tool a rest…
"I’m not sleeping, I’m testing a new butt-laminate press."
Worn out after completing the macrame components, Glen tests the strength of the timber laminations in our hammock swing project.
Glen testing the new hammock stretcher he worked on all morning.
"Two weeping willows sent to the mill after receiving a stress fracture when Huey logged off the job."
Figuring the details is the hard part.
(Looking into small web-cam)"that’s right Steve, it will fit together perfectly after your final sanding… Megan Fitzpatrick wont have a clue that i taught this class from my trusty ole’ hammock that i keep in my tool chest at all times"
although this may have a few tid-bits of MY OWN reality, i am sure it will fit in place nicely….lol…
thanks for keeping everyone on their toes Megan, this is just one more reason i continue to read Popular Woodworking
Rev. Dr. Marshall W. Snead
Few people realize that Glen’s secret desire is to become a professional Macarena Dancer. His desire is so strong that he even practices his moves in his sleep!
No really, I had to saw a ton of logs all by myself, and all with-out power tools of any type.
Megan,
I don’t know about Diet Coke, but maybe some sawdust.
Charles
"Hell hath no fury like a coworker scorned"
"Adam was right…without power tools it is much quieter!"
If I had known they wanted to put me to work testing the hammock they made instead of teaching a class I would have never left the office!!
Someone has to test this new tree pulling system. In only a week or so one of these tree will be uprooted. Dear it may go fastest with more wieght, get me a beer!
"Oh, you wanted me to "Go find some hemlock!?" I thought you said "Go find a hammock." My bad.
Wife, from the back door: "Honey, it’s work on the phone."
Glen: "Tell them I’m in the middle of a ticklish glue-up. … morons."
Or how about:
Disapproving Wife: "Glen, really."
Glen: "What? It said on the can, ‘Work in a well-ventilated area.’"
OK, here’s my last shot:
"Glen Huey takes a break between coats — of sunscreen."
… and you thought I wasn’t sexy with my clothes on …
just dreamin, "with visions of purrrfectly cut dovetail joints dancing in my head."
Recharging the hand tools.
Senior Editor Glen D. Huey testing the structural integrity of local trees while memorizing his lecture material.
Heidi Klum…Meh
Megan Fox…Meh
Anjelina Jolie…Meh
Norm Abram and The New Yankee Workshop…OH! BABY!
"Hey, it’s hard work keeping my body in (this) shape."
James
Let’s correct that last one (sorry)….
Okay class. Now, if you put one hand back here and the other in front like this, then rub both at the same time, where will the genie pop-out?
"Okay class. Now, if you put one hand back here and the other in front like this, then rub both at the same time, where the genie will pop out?"
Glen is actively working on the new article: "We put the new SPW* joint to the ultimate test" for an upcoming issue.
* SPW – Super Polypropylene-Wood (or could better be described as Supine Popular Woodworking)
"The Newest Technique for Bending Wood!"
"I’m just waiting for the dust to settle."
Here Glen tests the maximum dynamic load of an oak stretcher using a specially built jig.
Senior editor Huey is seen here stress-testing the Cherubini hammock, hand-tied entirely of authentic mid-eighteenth century knots as found in a recently discovered handbook for Royal Navy mid-shipmen.
Baby Huey demonstrating "Tea Table" meditation!
Top 10 reasons I’m in the hammock…
10 – I’m studying leaf shapes from a different point of view.
9 – I am sawing wood, just listen…
8 – My next class is on making outdoor beds.
7 – I had an adrenalin rush when I used a handsaw, and had to lay down.
6 – 14 mortises without power! What was I thinking!
5 – You have to wait 30 minutes before you can use a hand plane after eating lunch…or you get cramps.
4 – I’m waiting for the shellac flakes to dissolve.
3 – I was going to lay on the workbench, but someone was using it to work with..sheesh…
2 – Measure Twice, Nap Once…
and the number 1 reason…
We had a power failure and Chris wasn’t here to help me.
And then in step 3, when the finish has dried and I awaken from my hibernation, errr, I mean nap. I’ll show you how to dismount a hammock without breaking anything too important. I hope!
I can think of two lines.
How about "I’m sure going to earn my pay today. I’m about to saw some serious logs".
Or "Safety is very important to me, nobody moves, nobody gets hurt".
Danny Guegueirre
"Damn, I could really use a tea table about now!"
"Snoring since 1678"
Ryan Michel
Glen,
After the ‘tea table’, how about a class on building a wooden cooler and a couple of Adirondack chairs.
Kirk
"Honey, it’s too SHADY… can you bring me the chainsaw…"
"This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!"
"I can’t believe they actually pay me for this, speaking of pay…. I wonder when that raise Megan promised me is coming through!"
Claude
Glen "sawing wood" cordless style!
Glen "sawing wood" cordless style!
This is what is known as an outdoor, NETworking opportunity.
How about:
"Work fascinates me, I can think about it for hours."
"Woodworking is really hard work. I had to drill 40 holes in these two pieces of wood just to make this hammock."
Per
They don’t call it "sawing wood", for nothing.
Glen Is just like a lot of us wood workers they get thier best work done when thier sleeping . I myself spend so time dreaming about what I’m going to make and what technique I’m going to use ,that when I wake up I’m to tired to state the project .
I wish I could do a George Washington and chop down one of those Cherry Trees; that will wake him up so he can get back to class.
Megan,
See what you started…
Chris,
She deserves a raise.
Huey naps. Dewey and Louie not pictured.
1.They will never know.
2.Those students just don’t get it.
3.Boy was that apple pie good.
4.It must be Jet Lag.
"Rub my belly, pat my head. Rub my belly, pat my head…"
A lesson in woodworking for the average Joe: Have someone else do it.
"For a keen edge you must first imagine sharpness"
caption for Zen like trance of Glen Huey
Of course…mental telepathy is the best way to communicate to your students…NOT!
**Dreaming** "Hey Macarena"
Hand tools require power, time for a power nap.
Attaining perfect balance, and harmony, Glenn demonstrates another of his many skills…
When I dance they call me Macarena
and the boys they say that I’m buena
they all want me, they can’t have me
So they all come and dance beside me
move with me, jam with me
and if your good I’d take you home with me
"Glen no function beer well without."
"It’s not easy to juggle a magazine job and a class schedule, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of nap a day."
"There’s an empty spot I’ve always had inside me. I tried to fill it with tools, wood, teaching, but those were dead ends! I think this hammock is the answer."
"Note to self: Stop. Doing. Anything."
"If I were using Chris Schwarz’s hand tools, I would still be working on that table."
It looks like he used the same teaching methods my mother did, Don’t do as I do, You do as I tell you to do!
Glen dreaming of teaching a class on building a tea table at Acanthus Workshops!
This is how we test our glue joints at pop wood
Things are not always as they appear.
He is working on the dream of teaching!
If I moved Chris’ bench, this thing could hang perfectly between the wall and the bookcase.
Glen demonstrates power tool safety by staying as far away from them as possible.
As Gary Hart said in 1988 – "Follow me around. I don’t care. I’m serious. If anybody wants to put a tail on me, go ahead. They’ll be very bored."
Here’s Glen working on his favorite peace.
This is one of my most brilliant ideas ever. I don’t have to USE the power tools. This way it’ll SOUND like I’m using power tools and no one will come to check up on me!
Hmmm… 50 tooth blade, no 90 tooth blade.
HMMMM I wonder what I can build next. OH I know a barbaque from wood.
If I used Sketchup and power tools I would not be so tired.
Now there is a body and a face for radio!
If I used sketchup and power tools I would not be so tired.
Photo Caption = HammockAcanthus Gigantor
Mr. July for Pop Wood’s 2010 Woodworking "Hunks" Calendar.
working with hand tools is hard work, so why bother, just skip to the resting part…
"First step of any furniture project: grow trees"
Just a few "[brad]Z’s" oughta hold it until the glue dries.
Ah… you see that the problem is all in your point of view. Here is a link to the photo as Glen intended:
http://hdtvprofessor.com/HDTVAlmanac/Pick_On_Glen.jpg
And the caption is:
"I have almost completed the final round of testing of my anti-kickback operator recovery system."
Alfred Poor
Caption:
Body position is very important when using a hand plane.
"Hiking" on the Appalachian trails?
"If you all used power tools, you too could be taking a nap right now!"
How will I cut thee? Let me count the ways. Rift, quarter or flat.
CAUTION: WHALE CROSSING
Watching the board-feet grow.
OK evrybody…flat and level now…flat and level…
"It may have taken me until Friday to get into this hammock, but I think I need another week off from work to get out of it."
"Pins first or tails first? hah… when you use power tools, you get to choose tails down! Keep chopping boys!"
Caption:
For some reason that no one understands, Glen finds it impossible to fall asleep unless he adjusts his arms and legs into a "Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance" pose.
Here is a photo of Glen demonstrating the new hemp barrel stave forming jig…
So many tree branches that could be "turned" into table legs, so little time…zzzzzzz
My belly is just about the size I’ll use for my Bombe` end tables.
-When I get back to the office and found out who took this picture of me, they’re going to be cleaning sawdust out of places they didn’t even think was possible.
With a nod and apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan’s pirates of penzance.
I am the very model of a modern power-woodworker,
I’ve information router, saw and dovetail,
I know the kings of publishing, and I quote the design historical,
From fess-tool to porter-cable, in order categorical;
I’m very well acquainted with matters quite electrical
I understand joinery both simple and dovetailical
About finishing theorem I’m teaming with a lot o’ news,
With many cheerful facts about the square and rectangle,
I’m very good at dovetails with diferential angle-us.
I know the scientific names of beings woodculous
In short, in matters router, saw and dovetail
I am the very model of the modern power-woodworker.
World Weekly News Exclusive: Since Faith Left, Tim McGraw on Steady 130-Twinkie-a-Day Diet!
RN
I am not sleeping I am just thinking. 🙂 Glen that looks really good right about now!!!! John
Every hammock building course at Acanthus Workshops ends with a stress test. Here we see Glen administering the "methinks the lady doth protest too much" test.
"I’m so sorry I had to lay down for a spell, I saw someone sharpen a chisel – by hand no less – and got the most awful case of the vapors. Why I near fainted at the site of it! Savages"
Thanks I’m here all week, tip your waitstaff.
Cheers,
Josh
You guys can keep trying but I think Murphy is in the lead appealing to Megan’s Bard addiction.
"Resorted to wood to make a living" Of course you wouldn’t have, you’d be instead some kind of surgeon, neurosurgeon, tree surgeon, whatever, and you’d be on another blog.
"No trees were harmed…….." How could they have been? I told you the gosh darn thing was made out of metal. This assertion just furthers the validity of my perspicacious observation.
Kari, Diet Code Red on your keyboard is a far cry better than that Gooey Red Stuff on the pin board’s tail socket waste in that drawer chapter. BTW I’m a real fan, and all my woman woodworking friends really loved it when I sent them the link to your blog.
And finally, to report on some additional information that has just come to light, following meticulous research underpinning the photoshopping splicing feature used to unite the ghastly perihammockian field with the immediate surrounds locale evinced from GoogleEarth, then translating the derived GPS coordinates, definitively proves that the hammock is located at least a three day’s drive away from East Coventry with no air service. Charles and Lorraine, are you reading this? Please, save yourselves. Run, don’t walk to your bank and put a stop payment on the cheque.
"I think I just felt it kick"
-Charles
——-
And with that, there’s Diet Code Red all over my keyboard.
Reportedly kidnapped from the Acanthus Workshops, Glen Huey was just spotted relaxing at Homer Simpson’s Self-Help Seminar — 50 miles away in Springfield, Pa!
Kent Brockman will have more tonite at 5!
Thou dost snore distinctly; there’s meaning in thy snores.
from The Tempest
Sorry, I thought this was more of a roast of Glenn. And "I can never get enough of a good roast" (also a caption?). I hope the healing can now begin.
Here’s a couple, less-borderline captions:
"There must be a way to get some electrons to swing me."
The only other bed that I’d rather be laying on is that of a 16" Colladay jointer.
Here’s mine:
"I wonder if I lay here long enough nobody will notice that
I accidentally glued my hands to myself."
"Mmmmmmmmm…… Photo Shoot with Norm in flowery panties……. Now my life is complete."
Glen,
I would have thought your mind would have run towards "Heh, and Chuck is still in there with his stinking spokeshave…"
And I’m glad to hear that the "Ice Cream Photos" are safely locked away with the Zapruder film and the Watergate files.
…I wonder which power tool Mag Ruffman is using …
"festool dreams, harbor freight budget"
Where is all the woodworker creativity? Eric’s comment is too easy. "I think I just felt it kick" is borderline mean (but funny!). Finally, Keith and Rob hit the intended idea, power tools.
How about "On the seventh day he rested" or "I hereby call to order the first annual meeting of the Corded Tool Society."
No worries about those ice cream photos, Chuck. That isn’t going to happen!
Welcome to the Acanthus Workshops wood carving course. Today we will sculpt the classic "Glen in Repose". Does everyone have the required 250lb block of White Pine and your chainsaws?
Power tools rule…zzz
"Thinking is hard work."
Mike,
You have called into question my honor. Sir, I respectfully submit, if I had THAT kind of talent (with Photoshop or any other "doctoring" program) would I have ever resorted to wood to make a living? Notice the gentle curve of the once straight wooden spreader and the not-so-gentle curve of the rest of the hammock. This would have to be the work of a master editor the likes of which the world has never seen.
Additionally, I am willing to submit photos of the hammock support system for your review. Short of being able to directly post those photos here I offer the following disclaimer: "no trees were harmed during the taking of this photo".
Eric,
Glen was nowhere near water when this photo was taken (the pool is clearly a good 30′ away). So, your comment is entirely out of line buddy.
To Megan I have but to say, there is truth in humor.
Charles and Farms…extremely funny. Uncalled for (except by that Fitzpatrick woman) but funny.
Glen,
Like Charles, I too find this thing entirely distasteful. It’s rude, crude and obnoxious. Hopefully, my protestation is just enough to prevent the publication of the "ice cream" photos…
Glenn, I’d just like to say that I find this sort of thing entirely distasteful… and if not commanded to do so by the forces that be on this blog, I would never have been a party to this type of behavior. So, I hope "we’re good".
With that, I’m just going to add one more caption to my previous:
"I think I just felt it kick"
-Charles
"Just resting whilst dreamin’ up reprisals…"
"Whale Ho" !!!
(Only kidding Glen, you’re awesome.)
Send my CD Megan!
"Chris that is not some long forgotten form of woodworking bench!"
"If I pretend to sleep, maybe Chris Schwarz will stop trying to teach me how to sharpen?"
Pick on Huey? No way. But pick up details in this so obviously doctored (that’s what they used to call it before PhotoShop got invented) photo? Absolutely. Don’t y’all find it somewhat peculiar that the hammock support system isn’t visible? That’s probably because he shipped his tools to the school before he went on the lam without them, and had to use a ready made metal frame instead of making one. Shame for the deception and shame for the metal. Of course if you were publishing The Home Machinist or something, that would be a different STORY. At Popular Woodworking though, the only saving grace is the WOODEN spreader, but that sure doesn’t count for a heck of a lot. Does it? 😀
Not necessarily such an IRONy after all……just take a look at his Hepplewhite Table DVD where he HAND CUTS the dovetails for the drawer. Everything’s going just ROSY for a while, then there’s obviously a continuity problem or something because after one scene CUTTING over to another a most peculiar substance appears on the waste of the pin board. So now a dilemma. Do I go with "Ironman" or "Bloodwood?" Great DVD though.
-What happens when you do not purchase Glenn-safe tuna.
-Wood bending at the tree level.